Thursday, May 04, 2006

Who I Really Am

The wind no longer howls.

The coke bottles have stopped.

The silence is no longer empty. It is filled with peace.

I am no longer alone.

I wrestled with God for most of the night. I poured out my heart like never before. He met me there and showed me He has been there for a long time. He wrestled with me and showed me His strength; showed me mine. I embraced Him. I embraced His strength.

I embraced my own strength, and will no longer run from it.

I will be what God made me to be, and not shrink back from it. I will fail, but I will try again. I will fail again but I will keep on trying. I will fall, but I will get up. I will fall again but I will keep getting up. I and those around me are worth fighting for, so I will keep fighting for myself and for them.

God wins.

In His wisdom God will choose to offer me His love and strength through others and I will no longer shut them out. I will instead meekly ask for and gratefully receive this love. When I am in pain I will courageously let people know, but I will no longer whine. When I fall and fail I will humbly bow and ask forgiveness. I will also gratefully accept grace extended to me.

But only He can meet my deepest need. Only in Him will I look for my source of strength.

Because of Him, because of my strength:

Today I am no longer Edmund. I am now Peter.

I will not shrink back from the battles which need fighting.

I will be the husband my wife needs me to be; I will fight for her and alongside her.

I will be the brother my sisters & brothers need me to be; I will fight for them and alongside them.

I will be the man those around me need me to be, and I will fight for them.

I can and will be these things because I have been and still am a Son in His Embrace. I am also now something new. He has given me a new name. I am also now Son of His Embrace. And more:

I am a Son of His Tender Strength.

And today I am no longer a boy.

It was not something newly offered. It was there all along. He showed me this overnight as I wrestled with Him and He showed me not only how to ask for it. He showed me how to take hold of it.

As of today I am now a man.

~ COB

3 comments:

Tom Zawacki said...

Hi Keith:

Wow... awesome post, I am deeply moved.

Behold the King (Isaiah 43:19)

And...

Run to the Battle!(1 Samuel 17:48)

Tom

(Check out Isaiah 43:19 in The Emphasized Bible - free download link below)

http://www.geocities.com/thepianoplayer/page1.html

skidmarksontheside said...

Keith -

I know you're older than me, but can I just say that I'm so proud of you?! I love you dearly and am so excited to watch you unwrap this gift God has given you - the gift of new life, the gift of a fresh start - the gift of manhood like you've never experienced it before...

We will stand with you. We will fight with you. We will dress one another's wounds and lift our glasses in victory...

Now run! Run with perserverence the race marked out before you... Run and don't stop... It's gonna be worth it all!

sprocket said...

Awesome post indeed! It is true that it was there all along from Him AND you have friends who have always loved you all along too.

And remember: Being a grown up doesn't mean you can't enjoy a root beer float.